Because the alcoholic already has a date and his or her name is alcohol.And, unfortunately for you, alcohol is THE ONE AND ONLY for the alcoholic. Alcohol will always be the priority of the active alcoholic.It bears repeating that it is only within the first year that dating in recovery is not suggested.Recovering from addiction does not mean that you can never date again.So if you've knocked back a bunch with your girls and then visit your sober guy, he's going to remember all the crazy, wacked-out stuff you say.And even if it's super cute (obvi), he's probably not going to be into it.
Many of us have felt the same way when in early recovery.
The reason this advice hurt so much at the time was that it would have forced me to see my part in things. At my office, I began to put together a black and white list of the things in our relationship that I could not accept.
And when you are with an alcoholic, you are used to suffering in silence as the martyr, wondering why the alcoholic does what s/he does. This included that he did not go to my grandfather’s funeral, he did not come home all night long, and he brought cocaine into our home.
I put sand in you wound, I put in your wound a giant, and around myself I light the fire. It often seems it’s the families of addicts who are forgotten and who largely suffer in silence. So much in fact that I belittled myself by staying with one for seven years. Four years later, when I found out about my husband’s relapse, I thought about this friend and the courage it took him to say this and acknowledge . We go to great lengths to avoid the subject altogether.
There will always be another excuse, another mistake, another relapse, another addiction or anger about a parent’s addiction that they need their lifetime and yours to get over. When my husband first relapsed after his mother died, my well-meaning Christian father told me to “just love him.” But that’s the problem with the addict; the more you love, the more they take of you and everything else, until there’s nothing left to give. While most other people tried to be polite, or pray for me, their comments seemed to gently gloss over what was actually happening. I can do better.” Instead, I stayed, w—a—y too long. Both the addict and the co-dependent will do anything to hide their sense of inadequacy.